Introducing my little miracle, Tommy Maddox Tookey 💙
I know it was a shock to most of you when you saw my nappy post the other week that mentioned my newborn son - I wasn’t very public about my recent pregnancy at all, in fact I kept it all totally private and away from social media; there are no pictures of me pregnant anywhere. I wanted this special time for my husband and I so we could celebrate what we had been through together and what was to come. I felt so amazed at my body every day, how it had finally allowed me to create and grow this precious baby and I marvelled at the way my body was changing. I truly embraced my pregnancy and apart from a few hormonal days and some tiredness I was fortunate to have a wonderful experience that I’ll always cherish memories of.
The main reason I loved being pregnant so much is that I felt so grateful and blessed to be so. After a three year struggle to get pregnant we decided to try a cycle of IVF last December. I started my drugs just after Christmas and I knew that having been employing a super healthy diet for the past year or so I was giving my body the best possible chance for the process to work. I also went deep into my spiritual practice and was doing EFT with an experienced practitioner (one of the main reasons I now offer EFT to clients myself - I saw how powerful it really is). In a nutshell I got myself to a place where I simply surrendered to the process. Yes there were very challenging days and there was anxiety, hope, uncertainty - often all in one day! - but above all I kept a level head safe in the knowledge that the outcome was beyond anything in my control. I surrendered to the universe and trusted the process completely. All I could do was inject myself with the drugs as I was instructed to do so, and leave the rest to the wonder of modern medicine, the angels, and my destiny. For someone who studies naturopathy it was initially quite hard for me to accept going down this path. ‘Faking’ the process of conception is not something anyone would choose; especially someone who fully backs natural and alternative medicine. However, after trying everything else in our power without success this was a journey my husband and I had decided to embark on in the hope that we may finally have our wish come true. I remember feeling so strongly before we took the pregnancy test after weeks of drugs and scans that no matter what the outcome, we would be better people for simply experiencing it and coming out the other side in one piece. When I took that test back in February and the result was positive I walked around in a total daze, not just that day or for that week, but for my entire pregnancy pretty much. I had to keep pinching myself that it was real and not a dream - I was in both disbelief and in awe of my body and the amazing doctors at Guys hospital for making it possible, and at the same time I was deeply scared that this miracle would be taken from me and that it was too good to be true. As the weeks went on and I watched my belly grow, and we had scans confirming things were progressing well, my confidence grew, I felt more and more bonded with my baby and started to believe this was really happening for us and that we deserved this happiness too. I looked forward to the day I would meet the little baby we had been longing for and as I set about planning for a natural home birth I started to get really excited about everything. I will always look back on that time with such fond memories.
When you visualise what you desire with strong positive energy you really can make it happen for you. I practised hypnobirthing and positive affirmations, read up on crystals and essential oils for use during labour, attended pregnancy Yoga and various workshops, read a million books, meditated, did Reiki and enjoyed bonding and relaxing with my bump. I embraced wearing clothes that showed off my belly and was so proud of it. I was fortunate enough to meet and talk to other women who had homebirthed and loved their experience. I literally immersed myself in the positive birth experience I wanted to, and knew I deserved to have.
On 1st October at 11pm my waters broke (hubby was in total shock as this was three weeks before due date!) and by 5am the next morning I was 4cm dilated when my midwife arrived at our house. Tommy arrived safely at 1.50pm on 2nd October and the moment he was placed onto my chest was a turning point in my life. Never had I felt love like it, and never had I felt so proud of achieving something. My husband had been able to cut the cord and announce the sex, and my sister (my second birth partner) also got to see Tommy’s birth and cuddle him shortly afterwards.
I feel so fortunate to have experienced all that I have - the highs and the lows. It’s been a journey that has shaped me as a woman and now as a mother. I realise now that this was my path and those three years of both hope and suffering have led me to this point. Without those three years I wouldn’t even be at college studying my passion and I don’t think I would be the woman I am today. It’s also made me and my husband even stronger as a couple - and now our little family is completely unbreakable. I feel it is my calling to help other women who struggle with starting a family as I know the hard work I put into my body before my treatment was key in my success. Until then, when I’m back at college and in clinic for my final year, I shall mostly be gazing at my son with pure love and enjoying a year of bliss with my family and friends, watching him grow.